Aight, so i finally get2update my blog afta a long hiatus. am sittn in a bus,on a sunday mornin and i cant help but notice how filthy obalende is. Serious. mscheww. Fashola will v2consider rehabilitatin d place jor.

So ehen, coming home has been quite an issue o.B4, all i had2do was hop on a bus, follow BRT and voila..CMS. Smoothride regardless of how they trasnfa us from bus2bus. But now..bus no dey-CMS2odeku. Even d kekemaruwa sef gan..ok,i really shud b true2myslf. On a normal day, u no fit post dis kin tin for twitter, wey ppl dey talk..”on my way to LA, I’ll hollatchu ma tweeps” I swear too much formin plus effizy dey twitter but that’s a discussion for another day. Gotta salute..those crooked 3wheelers mehn, they’v made life easier4me, i no go lie u.

So at CMS; I'l jst cross ova2marina side &join KEKE in front of dat UAC building. Na so i cross yesterday o run go meet one keke wey wan quick quick load commot. I h8 waitn for d danfos2get full...omo, as i siddon...i just felt som1 settling in beside me..yepa. OLOPA!! Me , i was even shiftin4d guy2enter cos i thot he was a passenger, na wen i c d gun..nozzle up, head on d floor, na im i adjust wella , and so..as dem dey talk am.. the following conversation ensued:

OLOPA! “oya go park'
Driva “ah, olopa..plis,plis..'
OLOPA “dont plis me ..r u suppose to b loadin passenga hia?”
Driva “ah olopa' it is a mistak.tel me wat i do. if u tel me wat i do...” at dis point, i com dey wonder..dis driva sef..which one b 'tel me wat i do' u no knw wetin u do. Abeg,dis one wey olopa carry gun, nozzle dey face me so, any attempt, na my face go 1st scatter. But d driva no gree...com dey talk english...or ingrish like mrs.tetra wud say . “plis sir, av mercy, av mercy..is a mistake.tel me wat i do.dis is wat i do efrriday...'
OLOPA “u r not serious. i wil tel u wat u do.go and park!u foolish man.'

D oda guy in d vehicle who had bin beggin smal smal now said2d driva 'i wo, ma ma ba won s oro, ko fun wo nkan tan fe..'(dont argue, just giv them wat they want)

D tin jus dey mak me laff. Infact dis lagos, person go jus commot house, d different tory u go carry com house ehn..Really, somehow i felt bad for d driva for a coupla reasons, of which chiefly,i tak d blam. He was actually waitn for me2 enter altho he delayed a bit afta he'd picked me. But again ,his negotiatn/beggin skillswere seriously lacking men. He just kept sayin d wrong things, further infuriating mr.olopa . Me, my negotiatin skills r so well honed i cud kill a man and probably get away wit it**okay, not xactly* but u get my point dont u?

Not dat i win all d time, but awongals comes out tops most of d time.
Small lecture.*clears throat* You see, the thing is appealing to d senses of d beggee. You d beggar has 2determine how2 “reach” d beggee. Make sense. 'Plis na,plis na...' wont do it. Whaa....wat r u 'plisin'?

Lemme land u one gist.wen i dey school ehn, i dey siddon jeje o, na so my friend..SOFIRE com meet me talk say she get one assignment wey she nid2 browse& print & dat time, i dey form computer liter8. But i dey try dat time o. Infact, most of d things i know are from dat time..so na so we carry our2 left legs go cafe, buy 30mins..na sharp sharp, plus awonbabes were broke mehn. We com carry N20 for printing. Sistas and Brodas in d lord..na im i open page o, we actually found wat we were lookin for, and decided2print but as my ovasabs no dey gree rest na,i sent it2printer...d whole document...50pages, one for 20box, abeg help me calcula8...i confuse straight up mehn.
The boy sitting beside us started laughing .You see , d mufua had wanted to use d system b4 us, but of course, we use bottom power 'chance' am & dis was no noble dude, so e don dey beef us since. When he saw our predicament, boy, was he glad? He said 'dem go collect ur shoe..una go sweep floor 2day... '.yeye boy. I was momentarily confused ‘cos believe me, i dint knw printing was per page. Na so cafe attendant com o.

My friend already don dey beg like '....please now, please, we didn't know...we wont do it again' You know all dis kin beggin wey no get head. Me, ah, omo iya, i don assess d situation. numba one, d attendant was a guy. Two, his oga wasn’t around @ dat moment. Perfect. Na im i com start o.1st apolologies. Not like the culprit but like person wey get moni..and 'can actually afford to pay off ' u get d drift? Asked how much d cost was?n omo, i fear smal.1Ton. Smal moni now, but for a garri-soakin, campus -trekkin ,brokeass babe..(yes na) ,cdat was som cash back den sha. Na so i com begin rhyme d guy, dey format im brain...his constant question was 'wat am i going to do now?' Of course, I had absolutely no idea , and i told him pe '...thrs always a way and u knw it. That thing u can do, but u wont usually do cos its a last option..pls, do it. Its in ur power.' omo, dat did it o.Na so d guy talk say make we go. If u see d speed at which we exited dat place,b4 he go ‘shange’ im mind...d only thing was dat i had to greet him profusely anytime i saw him..which2b fair i consider a smal price compared2wat he did.

Dats one of my conquests. Plenty odas dey but not2day jare .I knw watchu finkin tho...dat one no go work for naija. Those hardened olopas..abi na LASTMA u wan dey blow grammar giv ...bak2my story. As all of us com dey beg smal smal, d driva sef had switched2full yoruba, and olopa dey hala' u dey curse me abi...?' driva told som old women sellin by d way side 'mumi, jor ba mi be won..'(mummy, pls, plead on my behalf) as d woman wan start...olopa jus face am...'madam..oya jus..jus..no talk anytin4 dia....'
Na im awongals jus suffri suffri com down,b4 dem mistak me for conductor, carry me go station!